I love having answers and I love seeing the full picture of what God is doing–especially as it relates to plans for redeeming situations that seem entirely hopeless. Now back home from spending a week in southern Kenya, I carry many questions I’d rather not address. I’m afraid I might not get answers or worse, might not understand the answers given. Sadly for me, my time for avoidance has run out.
For me, having faith in God implies prayers are answered, the sick are healed, and those suffering are comforted. No matter how unfortunate the circumstance, it will always be turned into something better. With that in mind, I have no way of explaining how there are families going days without eating. What do I do with the elderly woman, Clementine, who’s received help, but experiences mental challenges that prevent her from maintaining any kind of livelihood? What solution is there when she can’t leave her two adult, disabled children unattended for fear they will get abused again? I cannot see any hope for God’s redemption in this. I feel at a complete loss for even knowing how to pray. And in a way, I feel like I’ve failed them.
My faith that God can is infinite. My faith that He will is . . . questionable. If only I could have witnessed Jesus’ ministry in person! He always knew exactly what to do. I read the scriptures and see Jesus making mud, applying it to a blind man’s eyes, and giving him sight. He restored those rejected from society and accepted them as His own. He brought a dead man back to life! I am not one to believe the works of His hands were only for Bible times . . . but where is that same power and authority today? Where is this Jesus now?
“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father. Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.” John 14:12-14.
Honestly, these verses used to stir up bitterness in my heart as I considered the many prayers that have appeared to go unanswered. Bitterness, however, is biased. Why is the faithfulness of God rarely recounted? Eight years ago, He said He heard my requests and was bringing healing and restoration to me and my family. To make a long story short, I had a few different health concerns, while at the same time, my family wore the image of perfect Christianity. Behind the appearance, our foundation of performance, perfectionism, and rigid religious practice was crumbling.
While much of Jesus’ ministry and miracles occurred instantaneously, I cannot deny that He has kept His word towards my family–it just took about eight years to unfold. By His grace alone, there is greater love, authenticity, and freedom in our family than has ever existed before. I consider the adoration I have for each one of them, and I am overwhelmed. Truly, none of the peace we now enjoy is the result of our own efforts. It has all been God, all the time.
As for my health, it is still less than ideal. I’m not sure what’s going on, and I struggle with the lack of answers, but I’m choosing to meditate on how He fulfilled the other half of the promise. In the same way, I’m choosing to rejoice that a godly community surrounds the families I met in Kenya and to turn back to the Lord in prayer for their provision and healing.
So perhaps I really did know how to pray after all—I just gave up hope that God would do what He said He would do. More than that, I stopped believing that He is who He says He is: constant, steadfast, wise, just, merciful, good, patient, holy, sovereign, gracious, and faithful. Even when I cannot see.
Before jumping to the next task of the day, I invite us each to pause and consider where our hope is placed. An easy starting point is to evaluate what our prayers sound like. Is there boldness? Is there perseverance? The context of Hebrews 12 is more so about resisting sin, but the call to “ . . . consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (v. 3) is relevant here too. I pray that in the middle of trials, tribulations, the exciting and the mundane, we would remember the suffering that Christ endured on our behalf and hold fast to the truth that God is good, all the time.
